A New Attitude !!

I went to Dana Farber today to meet with Dr. Chen. She was wonderful and very hopeful with my prognosis, and made me feel Hope for the first time again in quite a while. It's amazing to me how people can change your way of thinking , just like that. I left there with a dear friend, Terry, and I felt like a little kid again, really feeling the hope. I need that all the time, I get so down sometimes, and have trouble getting back up. I feel like I have an obligation to all the people I know to be a great example of how to be in the face of cancer. I have been told all my life by people , you are strong and honestly, I am not, I don't want to be anymore. If this is what strong gets me, forget it, I just want to be me and live life like I use too. Not thinking about cancer and what it may bring. I am forever grateful for the life I use to hate, and now I want it back. I am longing for the life that people get to have and not worry about their future with illness. I don't want to leave my son and my family, I want to be here even if at times I know I can make their lives not so great. But God please let me stay and be here with them, that is my wish for my life !!

Quotes from a friend !!

“My plan is to keep showing up and giving it my best shot.”



Maureen

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family !!!!!!!

Makes a mind at ease

alright...

Life is always changing , you can count on that !!!

I have enjoyed a life of great adventure and travel...many of those places that I dreamed of, that I envisaged are now so familiar to me that I almost know them better than my own home town.

What do I wish for now? What do I dream about in the quiet moments....I am almost too afraid to write these thoughts down in case the clarity of the words might tempt my fate...but the truth is most of the time I wish for the simple....for health, for happiness, for laughter...like all of us...and I wish for romance, for love and for friendship.

Yet sometimes my mind remembers and runs with the speed of my youth and I fantasise about the far flung, the extraordinary... About yoga in the Himalayas and finding than zen moment... about travelling to Norway to go dog sledding under the northern lights... about a safari in Namibia along the Skeleton Coast or a hike in Patagonia...and from time to time I can't help but make believe that these adventures are mapped out in my future...

Personal Relations

Who are the people we really like, and like to be with? Most of the time, they are happy people, people who like themselves and others.

Being happy is almost the entire secret of being likeable. Though no person can expect to be liked by everybody, the likeable people have the inside track most of the time.

How do we become happy and thus likeable? We're continuously told that happiness cannot be found in property, power, and prestige. It is rooted instead in self-acceptance, in feeling loved and wanted, and in giving genuine service, maybe just in the form of very useful work.

A great deal of this also hinges on our belief in a Higher Power and a confidence that we have a place in the universal system.

I can be happy today in spite of things that others would consider burdensome and depressing. Happiness really comes from God, and it also serves to attract friends into my life.

Regrets I never want to have !!!!!!

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

Letting Go is easy to say but hard to do !!!!!

I let go and I let it go. I let go of the story. The more I see this, believe this, feel this in my mind, body, heart and soul, the more it is, simply because this is my belief. I accept and I trust that my letting go will provide my family, my friends, and myself, full lightness, brightness, forgiveness and love.

A Plea For some Sanity in my life !!!!

If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.”

Something I am not still not loving in my life. Having a constant flow of lessons to be learned and learned again, I admit I often just want to go away and not have to do what is needed.
I am not good at change and I don't like being shown I need to change. It makes me feel like I am not good enough and also maybe I can not change. So there is a lot of fear there. I feel so alone these days, it has been very hard for me. I seem to be pushing everyone away. All my friends are pretty much gone, and my family is thru. Having cancer is straining to all involved and I don't know how to change that. I wish I could . I wish I was not a burden to anyone . That is a horrible feeling. I would like to be enjoying my life , not fearing for it each day. God help me.

Happy 4TH of July to all the cancer thrivers out there !

I was driving today into Chicago and saw something I had never noticed before.
On Lake Shore Drive heading north right before Navy Pier on the west side of the street,
there was a cancer survivor's park. I am so happy to see that. I have got to go and explore.
It looks like a beautiful place to go and contemplate life, looking at the lake, and all the amazing
buildings Chicago has to offer. I will let you know what I find.
A new treasure for us all.

Love this Quote !!!!

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."
— Princess Diana

i think so...don't you?

Ok, I am officially afraid for my life. I went to the doctor yesterday and received scan results that are scarey and make me feel helpless and out of control.
I hate this cancer, it does what ever it wants, when ever it wants too.
I have to admit, I like feeling somewhat in control, and it makes me mad.
Please if you read this , say prayers for me, that I stay strong till they find a CURE !!!!

I found a quote I love so I will leave you with this !!!!

All our dreams can be realized if we have the courage to pursue them in spite of our fears.

One of my favorite healthy recipes !!!

Quinoa with Currants, Dill, and Zucchini

This is great with crumbled feta. But it's also perfect with thinned-out, salted, plain yogurt. Also, for those of you who are fans of quinoa patties - I made patties out of the leftovers by combining a scant 3 cups of leftovers with 4 beaten eggs, and enough breadcrumbs to thicken things up a bit - 1/2 cup or so. Press with hands firmly into patties, then pan-fry, covered.

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 bunch green onions, chopped
3/4 teaspoons fine-grain sea salt
1 cup / 6.5 oz / 185 g quinoa, well rinsed and drained
2 cups water
1/4 cup / 1 oz / 30g dried currants
1 lemon
2 sm-med zucchini, grated on box grater
4 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds
4 tablespoons chopped fresh dill

feta cheese, crumbled - as much or as little as you like

To make the quinoa, heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add most of the green onions, a pinch of the salt, and cook until the onions soften, just a couple minutes. Add the quinoa and cook, stirring occasionally, until the grains dry out and toast a bit, roughly another 3 minutes. Add the water, the currants, the remaining salt; bring to a boil. Dial back the heat and simmer, covered, until the water is absorbed and the quinoa is just cooked through- 15 minutes or so. Be mindful here, you don't want to overcook the quinoa, and have it go to mush.

While the quinoa is cooking zest the lemon, and squeeze 2 tablespoons of lemon juice into a small bowl.

When the quinoa is cooked, remove the pan from the heat. Stir in the zucchini, lemon juice and zest, most of the sesame seeds, and most of the dill. Taste and adjust for salt.

Serve, turned out onto a platter, topped with crumbled feta, and the remaining green onions, sesame seeds, and dill.

Serves 6.

Having cancer has made me more aware of food, I am not always good to myself , but alot of the time I am thinking about how to eat better. Hope you enjoy this one. Yummy !!!

A thought I had today !!!

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON…It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON…It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE !!

I am still here , winning the war on cancer. Due to a lot of support from my family and friends, love does keep us alive.
I am finding that out first hand.
I have read many a times people whom go thru cancer alone, don't do as well as those with support, so I encourage anyone whom is alone at this time, to find someone, a group, a class, anything to engage you with others. I believe we are all meant' to be with someone in our lives, we need to feel that human connection to feel alive.
So go for it, find someone to help you thru this battle we call cancer.
You were not meant' to do it alone.

Gratitude X 10

As you can imagine I am and have so many things I can be thankful for this holiday season. As of today, as I write this entry, not one person has known about the fact that I started a nightly ritual when I cannot sleep as a result of the side effects from chemo treatment.

What do I do?

I close my eyes and think of absolutely ALL of the things that I am grateful for - from A to Z. Many times it is difficult for me to even get started before I fall asleep. But mostly I begin with A and fall fast asleep long before Z filled with positive thoughts rolling around in my head. A serene ritual to complete the day, and an amazing way to remind myself, no matter how I feel or look or question & doubt, that there are SO many things to be thankful for:

1. My son (Daniel). He is a gift to me in many, many ways
2. Perseverance
3. Knowing I have options for breast reconstruction
4. Support I continue to receive from all over the world as I go through this DAUNTING (?) process
5. Snowflakes (The snow is falling as I write this and how beautiful it is! Imagine... each of those snowflakes unique from the other)
6. Laughter
7. Feeling great when i get up in the morning
8. My sisters and brothers and all their love and support
9. My great friends
10. Another day I get to thrive and make wonderful

Hope For The New Year And The New Me!

Hope is a priceless treasure that we all need.

For those who are filled with hope can remain cheerful even in the most desperate of circumstances. When we offer hope to others we empower them. Lastly, Hope is a power we all have to influence things for the better, whether for ourselves or for others!!!

Five Things I Am Most grateful For This Year !!!

As you can imagine I am and have so many things I can be thankful for this holiday season.
A little secret I have, often times at night I can not sleep, due to chemo treatments. I close my eyes and think of things I am grateful for starting with the alphabet, beginning with A. Many times it is difficult for me to even get started before I fall asleep. But mostly I begin with A and end up falling fast asleep with so many positive thoughts rolling around in my head. A wonderful way to end the night.

So here are the five things I am most grateful for this day I can share with you.
1. My Son, He is a gift from God, in so many ways.
2. My ability to have the options for reconstruction for new beautiful breasts.
3. All the support I receive from all over the world as I go thru this scarey and somewhat unpredictable process.
4. My Son again
5. For the snow falling right now as I write this blog , how beautiful it is !!!!